date: 2008-04-26 04:07 subject: (no subject) security: Public feeling: nervous

moneymoneymoneymoneymoney

I can't stop worrying about money. I was definitely spoiled before and I definitely took it for granted...at least to a certain extent. Now is my attempt at being at least semi-independent and I'm afraid I'm about to blow it. Not because of unforeseen circumstances but because of my own laziness and lack of motivation.

I can only hope that in the coming weeks and months I'll actually get off my ass and do something about it, like my brother commands.

I could work for the agency that Hall works for and be a tele-poller. You can make your own hours, work whenever you want, for a decent amount of money. That's exactly what I need, I think. It's difficult to change my availability at Barnes and Noble and won't help me in the long run because I'll lose hours. If I could work two days a week, long shifts, at this place then I think I might make enough to get by.

we'll see.

I applied for a part-time head cashier position at work and my manager has promised to start training me in receiving, which will also give me more hours. The cashier position gives me a bit of a raise as well. But can I hold on till these things happen? I don't know. I don't know if I have enough money left.

moneymoneymoney.

we'll see

date: 2008-04-08 23:47 subject: ...maybe a little more security: Public

regarding my last post:

I hope people do read it. I'm a total junkie for feedback and recognition, hopefully no more than anybody else. I need people to say I'm writing well or my ideas are interesting because that's just who i am...for right now anyway. Which is tragic because thinking their good enough to write or talk about on their own should be sufficient.

I also hope people message me back outlining my falsities or whatever (I'm writing this, again, as if millions of people are going to read this and give a shit about it, which of course they aren't...maybe a little bit of wishful thinking? But I do write like I have an audience because...well...I think every writer WANTS to have an audience)

where was i

I think one of the first things we need to do as a society is recognize each others inherent flaws. I think we've already done this to a great level and I'm happy for that. I don't expect every person I talk to or deal with or buy from to perform 100% all the time because they can't.
However, I don't think that WE are the problem. "we" refers to "we the people". "we" means me, who pours coffee for a living (granted I am a product of affluence and am unimaginably lucky for the opportunities i've been given) "we" means and always will mean the common people. THE society.

George W. Bush is not the fucking society. It amazes me. The size of the egos of the flabby old men behind pulpits in this world. That Bush thinks God helped him get the presidency. What an arrogant presumption to make. What makes you so special? you can't even get through a speech without humiliating yourself.


bah, ranting again, maybe.

date: 2008-04-08 22:45 subject: reentry security: Public

So Lianna mentioned live journal tonight and i remembered that i actually, at one point, used to use live journal.

And now I've decided to start using it again. For a few reasons (which I think are good ones)

A. the amount of writing I've done since I received my degree IN writing is near to jack-shit.
2. the amount of critical thinking, self-observation, and speculation about a huge number of things (regarding politics, religion, humanity, and other important-sounding topics) is actually pretty staggering.

and

X. My current "projects", if you can call them that, include ritualistically cleaning my apartment when it crosses the line that divides sloppy and outright disgusting; leveling up Scrijj, a fictional character that I gave birth to in an imaginary on-line multilayer environment known as "world of warcraft" or "wow"; pouring coffee and continually being berated, stepped on, and looked down upon by a class of social animals who consider they're whims for espresso and "skinny" lattes (which is the most obnoxious crock of shit that Starbucks has developed yet. If you want to fucking be skinny then don't drink fucking lattes)to be more important than meeting social standards of empathy and understanding for a fellow human being who has had a long fucking day (just like them), and finally (aside from other video games I'm loosely engaged with), drinking an amount of alcohol on an almost nightly basis that seemed somewhat normal and tolerable in college but which is quite obviously, in fact, a level of self-destruction that i really really need to get out of. And I'm trying.

so hey, neato. Here I am again. Hopefully I can get my engines going again.

I probably won't go much into the things I've been thinking about in this post because I got about 2 hours of sleep last night (or this morning, rather) thinking about those very topics and I don't think i have the mental energy to write about them in a length that might fully express what I'm coming to understand. I'm not going to say I've had a "revelation" or something. I don't think I have. I think I've just done a certain amount of searching and analyzing on subjects that have stayed in the back of my mind since...well probably since when i got on depression meds and my days of battling the "black ink" that manifests itself in my brain were replaced by a certain level of clarity. At least, partial clarity...since one of the things i've realized about myself is that i'm actually a pretty weird guy. Which is wonderful.

so yeah. Live journal. Oh, as I look at the little red lines in the text above me. I should probably note that I'm going to make alot of grammer and spelling mistakes when I write this because frankly I don't really care and the cores of whatever...rediculos or maybe, hopefully, even slightly interesting things I might try to get across on these pots is more important anyway. I mean...I'm not trying to write a damn essay on live journal and I don't think anybody else is.

There are three spelling errors in the previous paragraph. Can you find them!? :O

....and sometimes i use emoticons. Sorry.

I've probably said this before but I'll say it again...because I don't remember if I've said it before and I don't expect anybody who might be reading this (if anybody at all). There is going to be a time in the future, maybe tomorrow, maybe in two years, I'm going to look back at what I've written and think that I was being an idiot. And I probably was.

But thats not a BAD thing. that's a really really GOOD thing, because that means I've developed! Right? or perhaps it is a bad thing...because it means i've gotten so far away from myself that what I used to hold as true and important...and I think what I hold to be important IS important...that I look back and call myself an idiot because at that later date I perversely believe that: humans are stupid creatures and need a small social elitist totalitarian theocracy that burns books, restricts art, advocates fear, and reduces the whole of the human population to a mindless slave-race designed mentally and morally to perpetuate the power of a ruling class of flabby, weak-minded assholes who care nothing for you, your family, your friends, your education, your future, the beauty of the mind, the wonders of the universe and the amazing ingenuity of our species; but rather, trade all of these great things for fat bank accounts, social status symbols, indulgence in carnal pleasures, and being able to say, "holy shit you guys! I can't believe we actually got away with this!"

...so I guess i did sort of touch on what I've been thinking about. Sorry.

and I also did rant. Damn. I don't like to rant because its not productive...a little entertaining maybe.

probably pretty funny to if you think i'm full of it.

anyway. In the future i'll try not to sound like such a crazy person. I'm not going to delete it because...well i think i actually think those things. Maybe i should put them in nicer terms...but probably not.

I should also note that I was being very critical...and I think I have to be. but I'm not perfect either. I mean, shit. I would love to have a fat bank account. I think it would be great to indulge in my whims and be able to drink fine wine and buy a kickass computer and what not.

Hall told me something pretty interesting yesterday. He's reading a book (something I'm very very guilty of NOT doing)...i forget the name. But the book states the following about bill gates:

at a certain point in the late 1990s, if $5,000 fell out of bill gates' back pocket as he strolled down the street, the time spent to bend over and pick up that money (arguable 4 or so seconds...depending on how much heavy lifting he did in his 20s) would be LESS PROFITABLE than just leaving that $5,000 be and moving on with his workday.

that's just obscene.

Granted Bill Gates has done wonderous things with modern computer technology and argueably had a major hand in pioneering the "internet age"...but holy shit.

Hall later told me about CEOs in Japan.

there are 4 CEOs in Japan that make more than $1,000,000 (and correct me if I'm fucking up the numbers on this, please).

When a CEO of a Japanese is forced, and i mean absolutely FORCED to downsize, and fire a high number of employees to keep his company from going under. it is almost customary for that CEO to RESIGN.

resign! as hall said, and i hope he doesn't mind me quoting him (because he says alot of brilliantly witty and funny things), "Thats Fucking Japanese sense of honor for ya man! We need a bit of that over here"

I can see how the whole bill gates situation works. or how it could come to be, at least. and who am i to say that gates earned every last dollar of that money.

I don't know. It's just crazy information, really. blew me away at least...but surprisingly it wasn't that surprising (and yes I realize I am being redundant)

I don't really have a point here I guess....

I don't really need a point! I need to remember that this is my fucking live journal and not a submitted essay to a newspaper or magazine.

anyway I'm tired so I'm going to stop now but hopefully I'll remember to get on pretty soon and make more of an ass and idiot out of myself.

thanks.

date: 2007-06-13 18:36 subject: Because everybody has to update their blog once in a while security: Public listening to: I need to clip my nails...

Dear thousands of devoted Beta_Twin blog fans worldwide,

at least...sometimes I feel like I'm writing to a mass audience when i update this thing. i know it's not true...which is actually quite good. Every time I open a Rolling Stone there's always a tiny thing about the latest internet celebrity, whether its an avid YouTube video poster or a political blogger or just some random chick who writes a journal and posts pictures and, for whatever reason, attracts people's attention.

Maybe she has brilliant insights.

Maybe she's just hot.

So today I went to the city with Chris to accompany him on his apartment search. I myself am not looking for a Richmond apartment, I just had nothing better to do because I'm a waste of space. Also, Chris accompanied me on my suit-buying expedition because people wearing nice clothes scare me, including myself. I figured I owed him a favor.

Jonny is going to be Chris's room mate (Jonny, my skinny Greek friend from high school), so Yanni decided to give us his huge, bulking camera to take pictures of the places while he was at an interview for a job at Urban Outfitters (yes, Jonny is going to work at Urban Outfitters. Everybody make fun of him!...Although I do think he is just hip enough for the position...)

Anyway, Chris and I got lots of strange looks from people because we were basically just two random dudes out on the street taking pictures of their homes. I mean...if I saw people doing that around here I'd probably think it was odd.

Anyway, Chris found a couple really nice (really cheap) places. Most of them look like your typical, how-you-would-imagine-it, city style houses. Small two story deals with four separate apartments, a stoop, maybe some pillars of some sort...cracked sidewalks...

We met a landlord lady named Fran who had long dark curly hair and a New York accent (she also had a seeing-eye dog with her, but apparently she trains them as a volunteer, she seemed really nice) Her building, from the outside, looked like some kind of prison. Very red brick. Very square, Tiny windows...

The inside was a lot nicer but chris said it reminded him too much of a dorm. I would agree.

blah blah...I don't know what I'm doing. I've just been loafing around (like I said, waste of space). Boston still feels a ways off. I know Britni needs to save much more money before we can go, so I'm considering finding a part time deal around here...of course, I was planning to live with my parents in Williamsburg temporarily...so I'm not sure how I'd manage that. I doubt Chris wants me crashing at his place, wherever that is soon to be.

I think I'd rather just go to Williamsburg so I can be closer to Britni. I might just wait till we move down there and get a job then. Whatever. i don't know.

Living at home is wearing on me more and more. My mom doesn't understand Chris's desire to get out of here so fast...but I kind of do. We love our parents...that doesn't mean we have to like living with them...

It's not like they are unreasonable. AND it's not like they haven't helped us out a shitload. They HAVE. It's really just typical living with parents shit, little stuff. Mom nags about things, dad makes cracks about our smoking habits, the state of our rooms, the mess in the rec room (and the fact that it "smells like a brewery"). In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "Wait a sec...I'm fucking 22 years old, what the fuck am I still DOING HERE?!" then i remember, "Oh yeah! I'm lazy!"

not really though.

well yeah, kinda.

well yeah.....a lot...but I have a plan, sort of.

They say that your teenage years are the strangest years of your life, but I'd have to go with the Garden State point of view. These are definitely the weirdest. When you are a teen, you have a HOME. You don't have this disconnected feeling of impending doom and self-loathing that is hanging over my head this very moment. So i say, nay, people who say the teen years are the weirdest, NAY. THESE are easily the most strange and exciting years.

Sometimes I wish I were 5 again.

PS Britni's hot. I love her :D

date: 2007-05-19 01:53 subject: post graduation update security: Public where am I? mom and dad's

so I'm a college graduate now. Which is cool!

I'm going to miss Lynchburg College and all of the LC folk though. I'm sad to leave. I don't think it's quite hit me yet, but it's starting too.

Next week I'm actually going to start...well, not being a schmuck. I gave myself a week off to just relax. Unfortunately, that week is over.

My computer has been acting up again, but I think I might have fixed it...maybe. I don't trust it. It seems to be working, but I swear man, that thing is out to get me. it loves to fuck with me.

I start doing grunt work for my uncle and aunt tomorrow. I like to help them out...But I also like getting paid. I feel kinda bad because they don't need to be shelling out money to me, but they insist. Either way, They are paying me cheaper than a professional to weed the yard and paint a room, so I don't feel too guilty.

I should go to bed...I have to be up in like 6 hours. Oops!

date: 2007-04-28 14:18 subject: total quit time: 20 hours security: Public feeling: un-liberated

so I'm still a smoker.

I lasted pretty much the entire day. It wasn't until after Burke's class that I broke down and started crying.

That's when Britni and I made a deal that I would wait until school was over so i didn't have the added stress of exams and whatnot in the way.

sigh.

soon....soon...

date: 2007-04-26 13:48 subject: I quit smoking security: Public feeling: liberated

I finished my book and I smoked my last cigarette today.

The rest of them are broken and in the trashcan (I broke them because it has gotten to the point in the past where I would go digging through the trash to get one). Come to think of it...it's also gotten to the point where I'd go digging through the trash to get a BROKEN one and smoke that (without the filter or what have you).

That's addiction for ya.

I need to keep reminding myself that I'm not "holding out until the cravings go away". I'm not holding out. I'm done! I'm free!!

Don't worry about not smoking around me. Don't worry about talking about smoking. It's fine. I need to deal with it.

I don't plan on failing. not this time.


ps. I guess this means I should change my pic?

date: 2007-04-18 23:45 subject: slightly disapointed security: Public

so I got the new NIN album today to listen to on the ride back to richmond.

Honestly, I was slightly disappointed. I had some pretty high hopes for this one though. I'm pretty sure it's their first release in a long time. I wouldn't call myself a HUGE nin fan. I only recently got into them. Lyrically, I don't think Trent Reznor's all that strong. A lot of his stuff sounds like teen angst BS I might have listened to when I was sixteen. I think what I really enjoy about nin is the music itself. Granted, it's dark and weird...i guess that's what i like about it. On The Fragile, I felt like it was catchy enough to bob your head to and weird enough for me to stay interested.

Year Zero is not really the case. It might be a situation where I need to listen to it a few times to really get into it, but my first run through revealed an album that was repetitive and a bit uninspired. I think concept albums are a cool idea...but the music itself has to be good. Chris noted that a lot of the songs are in the exact same key, have the same beat, and don't really have much melody. It's all just noise really...Which is a bit TOO weird. Noise can be good because it enhances the more melodic aspects of a song and makes them more alive, but if your song is ALL noise, there's not much too it.

The concept of the album is pretty cool (although it's not really anything new). nin created a futuristic American theocracy that subdues any other religion than Christianity, keeps surveillance on it's population, terminates people who dissent, and basically has total control of every aspect of American life. Not so far off in the future maybe? Also there's something about drugs in the water supply to keep people content and...well...robotic.

like I said, this is nothing new. Most of these ideas were borrowed from popular science fiction novels (1984, Brave New World, etc.) The story makes a pretty interesting backdrop to the album but it's nothing THAT impressive, nor is the music itself (there were actually 3 songs that I thought were really good and are stuck in my head...the rest wasn't anything special really)

What REALLY impressed me about the whole year zero thing was all the crazy hidden webpages on the internet, the secret messages on the album and music video, and the actual fictitious world that they created.

Wikipedia is being updated constantly about this thing

(look up "Year Zero (album)" and "Year Zero (alternate reality game)" at wikipedia)

there are phone numbers you can actually call to get weird messages from the government about how you are being watched and soon your "re-education will begin". The websites look like they have been hacked into by the government and distorted to keep viewers from reading "subversive material". There are these sort of blog entries by "resistance" members...it's crazy, and theres so much of it.

seriously, look it up. It blew my mind and I think it'll blow yours.

PS some of this stuff might be disturbing (specifically the audio), but remember, it's fiction,

date: 2007-04-17 14:13 subject: oh, right. I have to graduate security: Public listening to: not the new NIN album

so, after about 10 hours (not straight through) of tweaking my computer, I finally got my new game (Rome: Total War. Barbarian Invasion) to work. Or so I thought.

after playing for about an hour last night it crashed again and gave me the blue screen of death AGAIN. I thought I had fixed the problem. I was wrong.

I wanted to cry. But didn't.

today, I uninstalled it. I'm done with it. It's not worth the effort right now and I've got too much other crap to worry about. It's the end of my college career and i don't want to go out in a whimper.

onward.

The new nine inch nails album is out today, but I only have 10 bucks. I'm kinda bummed about that. I probably won't be able to get it until next week. I realized that I AM in Lynchburg and they might not carry it...but since barnes and nobles and best buy are chain stores they probably wouldn't leave it out. I'm sure Falwell has never heard of NIN anyway.

My dad told me to apply to the best corporations in my field and take whatever job I can get regardless of location. I've always taken my dad's advice seriously because he is a very successful man and has been around long enough to know what's what. On this issue, however, I'm going to have to decline. Most of my friends and a few of my professors have told me that this is not necessarily the best idea.

as far as MONEY is concerned, it probably is. I would want to get the best job with the best salary with a company that knows what it's doing. As far as HAPPINESS is concerned...this is probably not the best strategy. I know it sounds childish, "I WANNA MOVE TO BOSTON!" but that's all I've got right now. I'm sure there are plenty of job openings.

Plus, I wouldn't want to break up with Britni. I don't mind living in a shitty apartment and I don't mind sharing it with three other people. Yes, we are going to have some issues but that's perfectly natural when you have a group of people living together. I've already gotten a crash course in that. it's called COLLEGE.

I guess I should talk about the V tech shootings. I don't really have a huge opinion about it...it's sad. I feel bad for those kids who died so horribly and their families and friends who have to live with the knowledge that their loved ones were executed by some douchebag with a nine millimeter pistol.

I think my family takes death pretty well though. When I learned my uncle had died, I was upset, yes, but i didn't cry. That was partially because I've been distanced from him in recent years. Even when Tom Allen died, i only cried a little bit. I'm not saying this because I want to sound macho or anything, that's just how I deal with stuff I guess. I usually just shut up and stare at the floor for a long time.

I don't know if I believe in an afterlife. I feel like we WANT to. We want to know that somewhere, that person is doing fine and is happy. I don't feel like the natural world is that idealistic though. We all return to dust. Our bodies get recycled and absorbed into the earth to once again be used to create new life.

human->decomposition->nutrients->plants->animals eating plants->animal eaten by human->human giving birth to new human-> parent human dying->decomposition->and so on.

It's this simple reason that I don't want to be put in a casket and take up space when I die. it doesn't seem natural. I could be used to nourish an apple tree or something. In that way, I think, we never really die. The person you once knew might be gone, but there's still life within that body.

anyway. that's enough about death.

I guess I'm done with this post.

oh yeah, anybody who likes demetri martin should go here: http://clearification.com/

watch the episodes. They're great.

byebye

date: 2007-04-11 16:11 subject: (no subject) security: Public listening to: Mogwai...as usual

Consider my blog updated...you technological fiends.

date: 2007-03-28 13:36 subject: video games and the people they ruin...ie. me security: Public listening to: Radiohead- Pyramid Song

so I definitely stayed up really late last night playing Rome: Total War and counter-strike when I should have been typing up a stupid senior symposium paper.

I'll give it to myself that i actually did do the reading before I went to bed so I could write it before class...I will not give it to myself, however, that i made a poor judgment decision. I was really tired when i woke up because I was too busy PLAYING VIDEO GAMES till all hours of the morning.

I managed to type up the largest piece of dog shit excuse for writing in the history of people putting symbols on pieces of paper and slate. I even printed it out and handed it in. Of course, it only met half the requirements: half the length, half of the material.

I don't expect to get a good grade on it.

I've always vouched for video games. I still do. I don't think that they are "immature" or "for kids" or "extremely lame" or "an excuse not to deal with other human beings". I mean...they ARE those things, but they are also so much more.

I just need to find a balance during the week. I guess it's a little late in the year...or my college career, to finally be addressing this issue. I mean, I'm going to graduate in a little over a month and I only now have the desire to remedy the situation.

I guess now is the best time to do it though. I'm hoping that I won't have a job that will give me alot of "homework". I need my free time, and I need enough of it to be able to spend time with the people I care about and take some time off for Mike as well (and perhaps even engage in some literary or academic pursuits on the side! Oh my!)

I don't think I'm going to give up gaming any time soon, (sorry Britni, Mom, Dad, all of my professors, my dead grandparents and ancestors, all of my friends, everybody I've ever known and will ever know).

I suppose there might be a time in my life when I have some kind of epiphany and suddenly realize that video games are stupid and pointless and only cause aggravation and the degeneration of personal values and relationships.

But not yet. Hell, I already know that there are men in their 40s who play the same games as teenagers. I wouldn't be surprised if I were one of them.

I also have to take into account the fact that the gaming industry is growing exponentially. The systems are becoming more advanced and these fantasy worlds that are being created are all the more vivid and intoxicating. Sometimes when I'm playing a game I'll just stop and look around at the sheer beauty and the (obvious) meticulous detail that has been put into the textures, shapes, and interactions of these games. It's astounding sometimes (and I was even doing this with alot of older games which, now, we would see as choppy and clunky looking...but back then they were amazing).

My brother criticized me on my gaming habits once. He wasn't arguing against games in general or that I play them too much, he was arguing against the way I play them. In some respects, I would classify myself and an "uber-gamer". That is, I try to achieve the maximum level, resource supply, points, abilities, items, or what have you, before I actually finish a game. His argument was, "Why bother? What happens if you do all this before you finish the game? Do you get a cookie? no! the game is just over and that's it. So beat the fucking thing so I can install it!"

A good point Chris, but I tend to look at video games more as works of art instead of math equations. There's too much creativity, innovation, and imagination involved in the making of the best games out there that's its difficult not to try to take it all in. I want to know what's behind that wall. I want to see what the best weapon in the game is capable of. I want to kill everything. I want to build everything. I want to find all the weird, secret messages that the developers put in just to fuck with people. I want to see Lora Croft naked, even if she is a pixilated glob.

Besides, gaming time is me time.

School work comes and gos. Gaming is forever.

I might end up lying in a makeshift grave with a mouse and keyboard still in my hand, nobody at my funeral, being covered with lime with no headstone to speak of, but I'll try not to let that happen.

date: 2007-03-19 15:39 subject: have a banana security: Public listening to: Mogwai- "We're No Here"

i had a pretty good weekend. Everybody seems to be writing about their weekend so i guess I will too. Britni was kindof sad that everybody left on Friday and didn't come back. I don't really know much about it because i was too busy throwing up/ sleeping/ walking around in my underwear stealing chicken kickers and bread sticks.

It's difficult when your friends are mad at each other, or at least just upset with one-another. I felt like i was stuck in the middle of it on Saturday. I didn't really know what to say. I felt pretty helpless, which is probably why i was in such a rotten mood that night. I think everything is fine now though.

I'm noticing that I've been getting waaay too wasted when i drink lately. I think it's partially because I'm more of a beer drinker and I've been drinking liquor. I'm used to having a drink in my hands. I think from now on i should do mixed drinks if I'm going to drink like that. The problem with taking shots is that very shortly after i finish the one, i want another because I guess i don't feel right without a drink in my hand or something stupid like that. With beer I took it gradually. With shots, it's just like BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM I'm wasted.

Hello screwdrivers.

Anyway. Today I'm going to set out some Dive Hotels around Hopwood and centennial. It's about time they got out. Chris and i finished stapling most of them last night. there are a shitload.

I'm hoping we can finish the next issue a bit quickly. I'm also hoping that we won't have to delete or edit anybody's piece due to content. It's a damn shame that we have to be recognized by the school...but that's just the way it goes.

Thornton poetry class makes me nervous. Idunno if poetry is my thing. i like it. i like writing it. I just never feel that confident about it. Alot of times, when I'm writing, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. it's just kindof a shot in the dark. idunno, maybe that's the way it's supposed to be at some level.

I think I'm stronger with fiction and non-fiction.

Tonight, Chris is going to help me make my resume (finally) and post it. I'M GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME. I'm sick of putting it off. I've been planning on doing this since the beginning of this semester...I guess I'm just afraid of it because I'm actually acknowledging that my college career is coming to an end and now I have to start thinking realistically. It's exciting though.

Sarah Linas told me that she's going to Peru next January to volunteer at an orphanage and help save the rain forest. I was like...wow...what the hell am I doing with MY life. I'm really happy for her, and proud of her. I think she'll have a blast.

I've always felt like i was more of the "hide in your room alone with the lights off typing shit up on a computer screen" type. In most cases, I'd rather not deal with people (at least, people I don't know). Maybe that's why I like writing so much...of course, in order to be successful in writing you still have to make moves and talk to people and deal with all kinds of bullshit...but that's the case with any job really.

k I'm done.

date: 2007-02-28 15:14 subject: spring break fast approaching security: Public where am I? a lopsided crator on the moon listening to: the killers

so this will be the first spring break that i actually do something other than just go home.

at least, the first college spring break.

The house mates and I are renting a house down in Hatteras for the week along with a few other people. Coleman is convinced that he will be intoxicated for the duration of the entire break and I'm inclined to believe him. I'm pretty excited except for the fact that Britni won't be with me :( I still think I'll have a good time, but without Britni it won't be a complete experience.

I need to start writing my stupid senior symposium papers more. I've already missed two...for some reason, I think she drops the lowest grade in each section but I'm not sure. she (my prof) sent out a grade report and under "DL" i have a 0...I'm not even sure what DL stands for but I do know that 0's are bad.

It's starting to get warm. It's very exciting :)

I always got excited about spring, not just because it's mini-skirt season, I think it's just feeling warm air and being able to open your windows after being all holed up for the winter for so long.

It's also a reminder that I'll be getting out of here soon. I STILL haven't made a resume. I'm such a slacker. I need to get on that...but i never feel like doing it. And when I have free time I never even THINK of doing it. it's usually either counterstrike, Britni, or booze or a combination of those.

anyway. I need to do dishes now and then read for oh noetry class.

date: 2007-02-13 20:26 subject: Postage security: Public where am I? your closet listening to: Modest Mouse

so yeah.

livejournal.

we're hoping for freezing rain all night so we can miss class tomorrow but I'm not getting my hopes up. I tell people that i try not to get too excited about anything and I'm pretty sure that sounds like I'm pessimistic or depressed or something. It's not really like that. I don't get upset because "nothing excites me" and it's not like I don't ever get my hopes up.

I guess I am a pessimist. The reason I try not to get all worked up over future plans or events is because, from experience, I know that really exciting and fun things tend to go somewhat wrong, if not completely wrong. If I expect something to go wrong, then when it does I'm not all that shaken up about it. Furthermore, if everything goes well then what i was looking forward to goes above and beyond all my expectations. So there ya go. My flawless logic in action.

Chidsey printed out a prototype Dive Hotel publication (volume 3). It looks pretty good. We had quite a few issues with this zine. First of all, Britni's piece had to be changed because certain high ranking college officials thought that it was too direct in its mockery of the "homeless insane" The entire piece was modified and Chids pretty much typed up a more PC version himself. I don't blame him. We are recognized by the school so we have to go by there standards. I highly doubt that the piece would have offended anybody, but who knows. We gotta play by the rules. I feel bad for Britni, though, and she's not too happy about it either.

Chidsey did give us the option to print the zine under another name so we could keep all of the stuff we had written and not be affiliated with the school. It's a logical idea...but i'd feel weird if we worked this long only to abandon the name "DIVE HOTEL".

I just want this thing to come together and get to work on the next issue. It might just be me, but I think we can take the next one in a new direction. We don't necessarily have to write about sex and drugs...we could write about...idunno...more interesting things. Britni wants to use the "found" idea. We find a piece of paper on the ground, or banana peel, or a pile of poo and write a piece about it. Of course, this could go in any number of directions. I guess that idea would have to do with association. I mean, obviously if you found a love letter or something you might re-create the unknown characters. But if you found a piece of poo you could write about anything from waste management to nasty caf food.

I guess the only problems we would have with this one is if we found something incriminating and embarrassing, put it in there, and hurt somebodies feelings. I doubt that would happen though.

I just now realized that my LJ is turning into a "Dive Hotel Blog". Whatever. It's something to write about.

date: 2007-02-08 14:45 subject: my soundtrack security: Public feeling: chipper listening to: all the shit above here

IF YOUR LIFE WERE A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

Opening Credits:
Avalon- Sigur Ros

Waking Up:
Cellphone's Dead- Beck

First Day At School:
Warrior- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Childhood:
Perfect Disguise- Modest Mouse

Falling In Love:
Teamhanded- Mogwai

Fight Song:
We Looked Like Giants- Death Cab for Cutie

Breaking Up:
Skip Divided- Thom Yorke

Prom:
Faminepulse- The Mars Volta

Life:
Maps- yeah yeah yeahs

College:
Crush- Jimmy Eat World

High School:
For Me This is Heaven- Jimmy Eat World

Mental Breakdown:
Static: Terrible Canyons of Static/Atomic Clock/Chart #3/World Police and Friendly Fire/...The Buildings are Sleeping Now- Godspeed You! Black Emperor

Driving:
1000 Bpm- Beck

Flashback:
What People Are Made Of- Modest Mouse

Getting Back Together:
Airbag- Radiohead

Wedding:
Y Control- yeah yeah yeahs

Birth of Child:
Stop Coming to My House- Mogwai

Final Battle:
The Moon is Down- Explosions in the Sky

Death Scene:
Life in a Glass House- Radiohead

Funeral Song:
Clarity- Jimmy Eat World

End Credits:
Yasmin the Light- Explosions in the Sky

date: 2007-02-01 17:16 subject: ! security: Public where am I? Lynchburg VA feeling: intimidated listening to: "Have you passed through this night?" Explosions in the Sky

Things are going well, I guess.

I still don't know what Britni and I are going to do for spring break. Money is an issue. Hopefully we'll figure something out. My brother and some of the roomies are going to down to Nag's head. I can only assume that they are going to rent a house and just booze like crazy for a little under a week which sounds all well and good...

but...I want to spend my break with Britni and she doesn't want to do that. i can't blame her. As much fun as it sounds to...u know...drink a lot at a beach (even though its still too cold) I'd rather do something else. like to go Boston and check things out.

Tonight, my brother said that he wanted to move to Boston as well...but he might have just been drunk. Either way, I know he doesn't want to just stay in Richmond. It's time for us to get OUT! I wanna live in a big city. I want to experience some shit. i want to pay rent and utilities and work a job and get a salary and come home to room mates in a big city apartment. thats all I want right now.

I've thought about marriage some. I've concluded that I'm not ready yet and I don't think i will be for some years. I love Britni. I LOVE her. But I'm just not ready to settle down. i still feel like theres too much out there for me to experience. I would love to get published....I think that would be the happiest day of my life. Anything, a poem, a short story...apparently I can get published in Encyclopedia Virginia...that reminds me...i need to send them something if I want to fulfill that.

Tomorrow we have the first Dive Hotel meeting of the semester. i still haven't finished my article. As usual I've saved it till the last minute (i.e. tomorrow before the meeting at 3) I'm pretty sure I can finish it, as long as the computer lab is open. if not, then I'm screwed and I'll look like a dumb ass. I'm the fucking president! I should at least have my shit in on time...oh well. I'll get it done. I should probably be sleeping and not updating my LJ.

Chris is reading a book about how to quit smoking without withdrawal symptoms. It worked for Lauren...for some reason I feel doubtful about it. i feel like i should be above "self-help" books because I'm and English major. I should realize that most of them are bullshit (and i think i do). At the same times...who cares? If you quit smoking because you are ignorant...you quit smoking, which is good regardless. I'm gonna read it...as long as I see some positive results in Chris.

I'm graduating...I don't want to graduate yet...I want to stay in college where I have minimal responsibility, parties every weekend, lots of free time, my parents money...I'm so spoiled its disgusting and I take it for granted. I'm really scared, despite how excited I am. Responsibility has never been my forte (just look at me as Dive Hotel president...damn). I'm pretty positive I can take care of myself. I just need to type of a resume and post it ASAP. Otherwise I think I'll be fucked, working some dull job that has nothing to do with what I studied...miserable behind a cubicle. I need some financial stability. i want to have enough money to be able to DO STUFF. I don't want to just live...I want to EXPERIENCE.

yadda yadda.

bed time...lots to do tomorrow.

date: 2007-01-12 21:50 subject: On Visiting Britni and more security: Public where am I? Jon's apartment feeling: determined listening to: Some classical guitar cover of Stairway to Heaven...

Ok, I got Jon's laptop back so I'm gonna keep writing.

I went to visit Britni a few days ago. I stayed from saturday until wednsday so I got some pretty quality Boodle time. I also got to see Borat and Children of Men and hang out with Natasha. Borat wasn't as funny as I thought it would be but I'm still glad I saw it. Children of Men was an intense flick man...the action sequences were excellent, very gritty and realistic with little "sappy" theme music and lots of shaky camera shots. Britni complained that there wasn't enough plot development towards the end, which is a decent observation. I still think it was a great movie.

Anyway, I think my favorite part of the trip was when Britni and I were driving back from Natasha's house on the last night, talking about our "early courtship". It's funny what falling in love makes you do. I realize how much of a douchebag/ cute boy-in-love I was. It made me realize that since then I don't really do those kinds of things for her anymore. We've spent a bit too much time on the couch in front of the tube, and i partially blame myself for that. I'll try to remedy this ;).

I guess its inevitable. Once you get in a comfortable situation in a relationship its easy to just let yourself go and not take special efforts to please your significant other. I think the unconscious assumption would be something like, "If I put forth the effort, I'll make her really happy. Then again, if I act lazy and not put forth the effort, its not like she's going to break up with me because of it." I think this kind of thinking is dangerous to a relationship just because i can get worse and worse, so I'm going to try to avoid that. When I say "unconscious" i mean that I wouldn't actually rationalize something like that because if I were making conscious decisions like that then it would be an asshole thing to do. I KNOW that I don't actually think like that, but I know my laziness gets the best of me.

So yeah. The day after tomorrow I get back to school. I've still got alot of work to do on the first recognized issue of Dive Hotel...I mean, WE'VE got alot of work to do. It's not like being president of Dive Hotel is a really demanding job...its just that being president of ANYTHING is stressful because when it comes down to it, I'm solely responsible for any bad crap that goes down.

Anyway, I can't wait to get back and be able spend the night with Britni again. I'm also looking forward to installing my new graphics card and getting some new games. Should be interesting.

-Mike

date: 2007-01-12 21:19 subject: Hooray for new CDs security: Public where am I? Jon's apartment feeling: excited listening to: The Replacements

Yeah so i havent posted in a long time. As usual. But here we go.

I'm at Jon's apartment right now. I just burned a bunch of new CDs from him and I'm pretty freakin' excited about it. I love free music! Here's what I got:

Modest Mouse- The Lonesome Crowded West
Modest Mouse- Interstate 8
Modest Mouse- The Moon and Antarctica
The Replacements- Let it be
Beck- The Information (I didn't even know he had come out with a new one)
Billy Bragg and Wilco- Mermaid Avenue
Cold War Kids- Robbers and Cowards
The Violent Femmes- Self Titled

Thats what I got so far, and I'm still burning shit so yippee...hopefully I have enough room in my CD case. I'd been craving those Modest Mouse Albums for a long time, then Jon made some suggestions and i previewed some other stuff that I liked so...there we go.

Tomorrow is my brother's show. It's The Bruce Olsen Band, Beex (a local punk group apparently), Hoar Frost, and THE OFFENDERS. The Offenders were Bruce Olson's band from back in the 70s or something. I guess I should say who Bruce Olson is...

We met Adrian Olsen through our old friend Todd McMillan. He was the drummer/ drug suppliar for several failed musical projects from our high school days. Adrian was not only a fun guy to be around, he was also a killer drummer and he had a recording studio in his basement.

Since then, the recording studio has moved to a house that they bought across the street from them. The Olsons live on Northside. As far as I'm concerned, the studio is professional grade. I mean, they've got the motherboard and they padded walls and everything. It's pretty amazing.

Bruce Olsen, Adrians father, is an old rocker from back in the day. he and his son have been playing music together since the kid could play. They recruited my brother on bass, a kid named Russell for backup guitar, and a couple of Bruce's older buddies and started a band. Tada! The Bruce Olsen Band was born. They mostly play gigs around Richmond to small bar crowds. They can only play when all the members are in town so it's not that often.

Anyway this show is a big deal just cuz the Offenders are playing together. I'm really intersted to see what they sound like. Alley Katz is a cool venue. it's small, dark, smokey, and it fills up easily. I like it because the only doorway is in a back alley between two buildings (hence the name). It's really sketchy, but very Rock and Roll.

So whatever, I can't wait till tomorrow night. I'm on John's laptop and Gordon wants to use it so I'm off now. Peace

Oh, and I love Boodle.
I was also going to blog some stuff about my trip to chesepeake to visit Britni, but I'll do that later since I gotta get off.

-Michael

date: 2006-12-25 18:43 subject: MERRY FREAKIN CHRISTMAS! security: Public feeling: cheerful listening to: the CD i made for mommy

I know, I never update this thing; especially when I'm at my parents house cuz they still have dialup...


..BUT NOT ANYMORE!
my dad finally bought DSL as a christmas present for the whole family and I am stoked. I'm also stoked because I got a new graphics card so I can play my dorktasterific video games all i want...the way things are going, i'll be pwning n00bs in CSS from my bedroom in my parents house in no time.


Sorry Britni, but you may never see me again.

Just joking. You're my boodle. I love you.


NEW YEARS EVE PARTY AT MY HOUSE!
My father bribed us into not going to Canada for new years by saying he would fund a throw down new years bash at the ol' homestead. And I quote, "money is no object." Obviously, brothertwin and I jumped at this oppurtunity and agreed to lay our Canada plans to rest. So here's whats gonna happen:

-2 kegs of very good beer
-lots of champagne
-probably some liquor
-food (as in good food...as in not Ruffles and cheese dip...unless you really want that)
-heres the best part, since my folks agreed that drunk driving is probably a bad thing, they also agreed to hire a limosine from 1-3am to drive drunk people home.

A brilliant idea indeed! I'm really hoping lots of people show up. I'm not sure how you could pass it up...i mean the booze is free, the food is good, and you don't have to worry about getting a DUI. Anybody who is reading this is invited of course (even if you didn't get the facebook invite). I know we left some people out, but frankly, if you know my or chris, you are welcome. I know alot of people live far from richmond, but still come on down.

Things to do:
Get ready for party
create a resume
post aforementioned resume
Britni
write dive hotel article
connect new internet connection (GLABEN!)
eat
Britni

Ok thats it i guess. Many lovings to you all. Have a holly jolly drunken spankin' birthday of Jesus.

date: 2006-12-11 22:38 subject: exam week is fun for boys and girls security: Public where am I? britni's room feeling: My star has sunglasses listening to: jimmy eat world

So it's exam week.
It's monday
I havent worked on a single exam yet, while everybody else is stressing the fuck out. I'm sure I'll be doing the same thing...tomorrow

It's been a pretty good semester i guess. I think I spent most of it on the couch, which, in some ways, is the way i like it. Over break I plan on doing the following:

-making my resume
-posting my resume on Monster.com
-going to a wedding with britni
-going to Canada for new years?????
-figuring out where I'm going to live probably...

I want to go to Boston. Actually alot of people do. Right now it looks like me, Jonny, Britni, Courtney, Tricia, and my brother are all trying to get up there after school (At leats I'm pretty sure they were all interested). The trouble is that it's so expensive. My dad suggested that maybe I rent out space in my uncle's old mansion...that's right...mansion. It's a three story deal in Marblehead, Mass. which is pretty close to Boston. It's on the bay, they have two tennis courts, basketball, swimming pool, and a dock. We used to go up there for the 4th of July to watch them shoot fireworks over the bay and visit family etc. It would be super cool to live there, but I was kindof hoping to have...idunno, my own place. Not OWNING my own place, but renting it even. I'm afraid I'd still feel like i was mooching off my family or something...idunno. Also I'm not sure how I would get to the city (that is, assuming i'd be working in the city...which is kinda what i want to do).

We'll see.

Britni is dying her hair dark brown. It looks like she has poo on her shirt. LAwlZ!!11

I hope i get good grades. I'M ALMOST DONE!!

next semester should be pretty easy.

yay